


too good at goodbyes.

by somekindoflosersclub



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Leaving Home, M/M, OLD!Steve, Spoilers, Stucky - Freeform, notsofriendlysteve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 17:30:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18782860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somekindoflosersclub/pseuds/somekindoflosersclub
Summary: Till the end of the line? Not anymore... After all they're too good at goodbyes.





	too good at goodbyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I love angst and you should too :-)( anyway...wtf was that ending with Steve??)!!!??? He would never tbh!  
> P.S I'm sorry for my English here, it's not really good haha but i'm trying...

 

It was before the funeral when Steve knocked on Bucky's guest room in Tony's house. He was getting ready and Steve traveled with his eyes along his body.

 

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" He came in when Bucky turned around and silently nodded off. "Before we go I have to tell you something..."

 

"Really? Actually there is something I want to tell you too." Bucky laughed nervously. He just wanted to tell him how much he loves him, after all that seperation...

 

"But you tell me first what you wanted to say." Slowly he started feeling afraid, no he can't admit it...He couldn't tell him. That would change everything...

 

"I'll return the stones tomorrow."

 

"....So you want to travel back?"

 

Steve nodded.

 

"I'll go with you." Said Bucky.

 

Steve sighed. "No. That's a journey that _only_ I should take. Because....there's no coming back."

 

"What?" Bucky thought that he didn't hear it right.

 

"I'm not coming back here, Buck. I'm sorry." Steve said softly and too quietly.

There was a dead silence. Bucky thought they are going to finally stay together, after all that shit they went through, after all that seperation. Stay together and live a better life with a better tomorrows now that Thanos is gone. Of course there will be always another threats. But they can beat them. _Together_. That's what they do. He won't let some fucking stupid destiny or force from above to seperate them again and again and again. _Till the end of a line, pal, right ?_ He has to tell him. About his love. Now. Maybe.... But...

 

"I thought about it and I feel I belong there. With Peggy. I thought I moved on but....." Steve purposedly left the sentence open. Bucky swallowed. She. She's more important and he loves her. How could he tell him now ? He didn't want to destroy his happiness of course. She'll always be Steve's first love. Not him. Not anybody else. 

 

He really wanted to be happy for him. He really did want that. So he put a fake smile and brave face. "That's great,Stevie."

 

_******* _

 

When they stood by that weird time machine and looked to the void that Steve left behind Bucky kept persuating himself that maybe _maybe_ Steve didn't mean it seriously. It was probably sudden feel of nostalgia and he just wanted to dance with Peggy for the last time. And says goodbyes with her. He wouldn't left them. _His family_. _It's here_...Steve wouldn't left _him_ , right ? After all...

 

But when Steve was not coming back after that quick seconds and then he appeared several metres near them, Bucky's heart dropped. _He knew_. Steve really did that. Steve really lived his dream life without remorses. Bucky couldn't believe...No that's not his Steve. But then he thought... _he was never mine to lose_. A man near them was hunched, small and very old. This is the end. Bucky couldn't face him like that so that's why he told Sam to approach him. He'd just...He couldn't...He faked a smile to encourage Sam. But when he was left alone behind them he felt more alone than ever. Suddenly he couldn't breath. He had to turn around and then he walked away. Faster and faster....

**_***_ **

 Bucky was wandering around all  places that held memories of two of them, _men out of time_. Well, now there's only _one_. Left alone in whole new world.He suddenly stopped after one specific thought appeared. Maybe he should go too through that time machine. Wouldn't be that easy ? It would be great. He could change his destiny. _Theirs even_. He would go directly to the Steve before war before all that suffering and he would...

No. He he wanted to move on. He has to. That would be too easy. He's not some coward. He's going to keep fighting _till the end of the line_ as once promised by now strange person.

He ended up in their old appartment in Brooklyn. It was still there after all that time. He was  standing in dusty old room all alone when someone knocked on door.

Bucky yanked the handle and with an angry expression on his face opened the door. He wanted the whole world to leave him alone...And it really was the last person he wanted to see.

 

"I knew you would be here." Steve said softly with hoarse voice marked with age.

 

"Does that matter at all?" Bucky sat down on creaking chair.

 

"Of course. Why did you left?"

 

This was the last straw. Really?! Really?! That strange old man just asked that? He stood up with a rage.

 

"No, why did **_you_** left?" He stared seriously into still blue but teary old eyes. 

 

"I told you that." He smiled with a sad smile.

 

"Yeah, well we didn't really have too much time to talk about it. I was dead you know, if you recall. And then my _only_ friend started _avoid_ me."

 

"I'm sorry if our time together was not enough...That was a mistake."

 

Bucky bitterly chuckled. "So you're sorry after what ? _Seventy years_ ? That's great. Too bad you didn't realize that sooner. But what's done it's done."

 

Steve was quiet.

 

Bucky sat down again and looked up at him. "Do you _even_ regret it?" He swallowed.

 

" _No_." Steve shook his head.

 

Bucky cracked his knuckles. Now he sat quietly. He heard enough. He wanted to leave but he couldn't find courage to leave that old man behind. He almost started to cry, almost hopeless sob escaped his mouth. That old man was once his _Steve_.

 

"Were you at least happy?" He decided that he's going to torment himself.

 

"I was. We had a lot of children and grandchildren...But before that, firstly I wanted to save you, well the other you. Trust me, Bucky that was my most important wish...but I couldn't.."

 

Bucky didn't even hear the rest of his talk. So really he had a happy life...without him. Why bother and save him ? He didn't even tried _harder enough_ to do that. _What am I to him ?_   _Or what_ **_was_ **_I to him ?_ _Maybe I'm really not enough,_ he thought. Bucky couldn't even point out which hurted the most. Right away a rash of emotions streamed through him and he stood up. He couldn't hold it anymore.

 

" _I didn't need to be saved in another fucking time line_. You don't have to be sorry. All I wanted was..." He started breath heavely.

 

"...All I ever wanted was to be saved _here_. I wanted you by my side. _Till the end of a line_ means nothing to you, to **_us_** , right now, right?...I just wanted to say by this that I loved you, _love you_. And I'm not capable to see you die. _Not like this_. You don't even know how selfish was what you did, do you ? For you it was just 70 years ? You had a _life_ , _a_ _family_ , _eventhough you had one here_. But for us...it was just _meaningless_ few _seconds_. Do you even realize that ? Do we really not matter to you ? _Was I ever worth enough of you ?_ You don't have to answer."

 

"I'm sorry for all the hurt that I caused you." Steve cried.

 

"Please don't say sorry ever again." Bucky said with a disgust on his face and moved to the door. He was about to leave. And he hated it. He didn't want to. But there is a lot to take....Life goes on...

 

"You know I really did love you _both_." Steve stopped him with these painful words.

 

"Apparently not enough." Bucky smiled with a sad smile.

 

"Will you be okay?" Steve asked with a worry.

 

"Need time to recover. I have to be alone for now. Don't look for me. This is a _goodbye_ for now... _But after all we are  both too good at goodbyes_." One lost tear left his eye.

 

"Wait." Steve stopped him again. "Will you _ever_   forgive me?"

 

" _I'll try_." Bucky whispered with a raw emotions and closed the door.

 

He closed the door and left Steve behind.

 

After all that was their _cruel recurrent fate_.

 

.

 

 

 

 


End file.
